Just like a character in a Jane Austen novel, I’ve been writing letters lately.
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I started writing letters during the COVID-19 pandemic, when I was bored and longed for my friends. We would send handwritten notes, pages long, across the U.S., filled with anecdotes about our days, memories about the before times, and heartfelt mentions about how much we missed each other.
My friends and I kept up our letter-writing practice, but these days, our letters are less history-documenting (thank God) and much more commonplace. I might write about the latest concert I’ve been to or the most recent trip I took. My friends will shoot back with an update about their jobs, complaints about roommates or book recommendations. It’s lowkey. It’s fun.
In the 21st century, you may be thinking: Why the hell would I send letters to keep in touch with my friends? And the answer is, I don’t. I send letters, but I keep up with my friends the way that most people do, via text messages and phone calls. The letters are just a supplemental way to stay in communication.
And letter-writing, as a whole, is a dying art form. Most people aren’t interested in writing letters, but isn’t it so fun to receive mail? Isn’t it neat to collect tangible evidence that these friendships are real, that these people mean something to me?
As you might have guessed, I’m a sentimentalist. I stash the letters in a drawer and reread them when I need a pick-me-up. I take half an hour to write out my responses, painstakingly choosing which details to mention, which anecdotes to share, as my friends wait patiently across state lines for a response.
That’s the other thing: It’s cool and also terrible to have friends who are all over the world. I have a friend in Nebraska, one in California, another in Spain. It’s so interesting to hear about what they’re doing and what life is like where they’re at, but also disappointing that I can’t just walk down the street and see them or shoot them a text to meet up for coffee.
Though I don’t exclusively keep in touch with my friends via letters, it has occurred to me that the letter-writing is a great example of how adult friendships work. Unlike when we were younger and all my friends had ample free time (and lived in the same time zone), now we’re stretched thinner and spread out. Whether you send a text, leave a voicemail, or write a letter, it sometimes takes weeks to receive a response.
Part of me finds this disappointing, even though I’m guilty of it, too. But I understand that this is just how your friendships change as you get older. People have less time to devote to friends now that they have their own families, careers and partners. It’s just part of growing up and shifting your priorities.
BUT, I refuse to believe that means friendships have to fade. In fact, it’s a good argument for exactly why you should make sure to keep in touch with your friends. We could all use more support, and who better to offer that support than the friends who have held you up throughout your life? Or maybe you’re in the market for new friends, and you’re meeting people who share your interests and support you for the first time. That’s so cool! Whatever the case may be, there are a lot of reasons why friendships should still be a part of our lives as we grow up.
So take a few minutes today to reconnect with a friend. You don’t have to write a letter, but sometimes a message is all it takes to brighten someone’s day and remind them that you’re thinking of them. Wouldn’t you love to receive something like that? Do it for someone else, and the karma will come back. Send a letter, get a letter. However you do it, connect with the people in your life, and don’t let those friendships fade.
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